Over a Barrel (Ooh, sounds fun!)
by OhSnap501
Summary: John is determined to find out just who Sherlock is seeing and he will try anything in order to figure it out! Sherloki! MANSECKS AHEAD!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is a sequel to my first Sherloki story: "In WAY over your head" if you haven't read it, please do or this will make no sense. Please Read and review, it reall helps me out!

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John was worried. About Sherlock; surprise, surprise. He'd been acting…off for the last month, paranoid, looking over his shoulder every few minutes and such. Then something had happened about a week ago and he had now swung the complete other direction, floating about in his dressing gown and smiling at odd moments. It was almost as if Sherlock was _happy_ with something other than a crime scene. In a word, it was weird.

It had been Mrs. Hudson that first brought it to his attention the day after whatever it was happened, when John brought Sherlock his usual shopping.

"Oh John," She'd said as he closed the front door with his elbow, hands full of plastic bags "I'm so sorry!"

"Mrs. Hudson, what's happened?" John was thoroughly confused.

"Well, it was just the other day –it must've been, I remember because my sister called. I don't know why she allows that man to come round, he's nothing but trouble-"

"Mrs. Hudson." John interrupted her as gently as possible.

"Oh yes, of course, dearie." Being reminded who she was talking to and what about, she lowered her voice and leaned in conspiratorially. "Well you've noticed how Sherlock has been acting a touch more strangely than usual? Yes, the other day I heard some rather odd noises coming from the flat and I'm afraid Sherlock must have himself a new boyfriend."

John closed his eyes and took a calming breath. He had given up trying to tell Mrs. Hudson that Sherlock and he were never together, just good friends. Wait, noises? What kind of noises? Surely not…

"What do you mean noises?" John asked, not realizing he had started whispering too.

Mrs. Hudson waffled for a moment "Oh, well, I, um, I suppose you would call them, ah, rather suggestive. Lord knows it's none of my business but it seemed almost like they were trying to make it my business what with the volume-"

"Okay!" John had to raise his voice a bit louder than he had intended to cut off what, he was sure, would have been too much information. He swiftly climbed the stairs to get away from anything else she had to say.

The door to the flat was open, as always. John strode in and stopped dead. Sherlock was on the couch but not in his usual 'thinking position', oh no. He was laying on his stomach, watching his computer screen that was propped up on the armrest farthest from the door with his head phones on and kicking his legs almost absentmindedly like some sort of horrendous, 6 foot tall, teenaged girl! Amazingly, that wasn't the worst part! Sherlock was giggling, that's right, _giggling_ at what looked like footage of a natural disaster. John was so shocked at Sherlock that it took him upwards of two minutes to recognize the news reports.

"That's New York two years ago."

The screen froze "Yes it is, John."

"But you said it was all fake and not worth your time."

"I did."

John waited for a moment or two, then, realizing that he wouldn't get any more out of his former flat mate, he pressed on. "If you said it was all fake why are you watching those old reports?"

"Some new evidence as to the validity of these reports has reached me and if this, if it is indeed genuine, event has truly transpired it has an incredible impact on the planet and life as we know it."

"Huh." And with that John started putting away the groceries. Then, attempting to sound as casual as possible "Mrs. Hudson thinks you have a new boyfriend, by the way."

"She would think that, wouldn't she?" Sherlock answered lazily.

"So you haven't then?" John cringed as it came out, he hadn't really meant to ask.

"Well… I wouldn't label him a _boyfriend_ as we aren't in a committed, monogamous relationship. I-John? John! Stop crushing my biscuits!"

"What? What did you just say?"

"I told you to stop crushing my biscuits! Is that some sort of euphemism that I am unaware of?"

"No, Sherlock. The bit about the not-boyfriend that you apparently have?" John finally turned around and looked Sherlock square in the eye.

"Yes, I have one. Now really John! They are going to be all crumbs if you continue!"

"How did I not know about this? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It only began yesterday! Also, you've never been interested in my sex life, why start now?"

"Because I assumed you didn't have one!"

"I am 37 years old! What? Did you think that I had just over looked this area-oh John! You did!" Sherlock looked almost affronted that John had thought he had just dismissed anything when it came to scientific inquiry.

"Oh so now it's my fault? Look, Sherlock, you never dated-"

"And I'm not 'dating' now, I'm just fucking."

That definitely shut John up. He made several efforts to speak before he saw Sherlock's smug grin.

"You just said that so I'd leave you alone."

"Yes, but it is also the truth, so that's double points to me." Sherlock, sensing the conversation was coming to a close he turned and headed to his chair to read the paper.

John finished mechanically putting away the groceries then leaned against the door frame of the living room. "Are you going to tell me his name? Will I ever meet him?"

"No and no." Sherlock answered not looking up from the obituaries.

"So in other words: I won't like him."

Sherlock's dark chocolate chuckle preempted the dip of the newspaper. "Oh you would absolutely loathe him. He's very bad for me in all the best ways."

John stood out on the street the next minute feeling like he needed a shower, since when was Sherlock _having sex_? That shouldn't even be a sentence that exists! But he also found himself completely obsessed with finding out who this mystery guy is and destroying him, and he knew just the two people to help him.

Sherlock smiled brightly into his paper. He hadn't intended for John to find out quite so soon but he had to admit that John knowing was going to make the next few weeks very interesting.

"You can come out now, darling." Sherlock called softly.

"Oh dear, that was a little cruel of you." Loki's voice answered from near Sherlock's left knee. The paper crinkled revealing a Cheshire grin underneath, that was soon buried in the apex of Sherlock's legs.

Groaning loudly, Sherlock wove his fingers into dark locks "You talk too much for a dead man."

"So do you." the quiet reply was joined by the sound of a fine trouser zip.

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A/N: REVIEW PLEASE! :D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: WOO! new chapter finally! John finds out in this one! ENJOY!

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"What? John! That's insane! I'm not staking out Sherlock's flat!" Lestrade buried his hands in his hair.

"I'm telling you, Greg, he said so himself! What if this guy is some sort of drug dealer or something!" John had been having this same conversation with him for over half an hour and Greg was just not buying it.

"If Sherlock really does have a boyfriend don't you think he'd be waving him in everyone's face by now just to get a rise?"

"Exactly! That's why there has to be something wrong with him." John was trying desperately to get Greg to understand "Sherlock knows that we would try and stop it if this thing, whatever it might be, is bad enough. That's why he's keeping him under wraps."

"John, I really think you are worrying about this too much. Maybe Sherlock just wants his new _whatever he is_ to be a secret for a while. You know how he is."

John stormed out of the Yard in a huff. Why was he the only one worrying about this? Didn't Lestrade see that this had potential to go very, VERY badly?! Pulling out his phone he dialed the number.

"Why hello John. Whatever do you need?" That posh, smarmy git!

"Hello Mycroft, I was hoping you might have some information about Sherlock's new…uhm…_friend_?" John winced at the word choice.

"Now what sort of 'friend' would this be?" John could hear the distaste in the man's voice.

"The kind you don't bring round for afternoon tea." He tried to make it obvious without it being _too_ obvious, he was relying on the fact that he was talking with a Holmes and that he would be able to catch his drift.

"Oh dear, caught himself another one has he? After all this time too. I was beginning to think we were over that phase. Hopefully this time he has learned a bit of discretion." Mycroft sounded equal parts amused and tired.

Not really the response John had expected. "Sorry, but what are you talking about?"

A short sigh from the other end then a response "This has happened plenty of times in almost the exact same way. Sherlock, when in any sort of romantic relationship, has always acted like a cat with a mouse. He'll play with them, toss them about then get bored and put an end to it. It's never lasted more than a month and if it did that would be the time to worry, but not for Sherlock. No, I would worry about the poor soul on the other side."

John hardly heard Mycroft's goodbye and the subsequent click of the call being disconnected. John couldn't believe had never even heard a whisper of anything like this. He was surprised that Sherlock had a sex life to begin with, let alone one with any sort of length. Unfortunately, John knew that he couldn't really do anything about it. Greg didn't believe him, Mycroft didn't really care and Mary would think it was 'sweet' that Sherlock was seeing someone. He was completely alone in his worry and that just made him more determined to find out what was going on and put a stop to it.

John decided that his best course of action was to surprise Sherlock and visit him randomly, he would stop by with some jam or bread, extra tea or just to 'check in' but he was quickly running out of excuses. And of course this approach didn't work on Sherlock, he took one look at John and said "He's not here." Then when he would ask how his 'friend' was doing, Sherlock would come back with a rather odd answer: "Oh, I'm sure he's fine now, it's been two days." Or "He's quite busy at the moment." Or once he even replied "I assume he's well. He heals very quickly." Sherlock, of course found it all terribly funny that John was attempting to surprise not only him but Loki as well!

Before John knew it, the month-long time line Mycroft gave him was coming to close and he was still nowhere near finding out who this mystery man was! Finally he'd had enough and decided that he would just ask Sherlock until he got an answer.

"Sherlock? I'm coming up." John called up the stairs.

"Be out in a minute!" Sherlock's muffled baritone came from behind his bedroom door.

John began to make tea, overtly loudly so it wouldn't seem like he was trying to listen for a hushed conversation.

"Quit that, John. He's not here."

John jumped slightly in surprise. Finishing tea as soon as possible, they sat in their chairs and waited.

After a moment Sherlock sighed "Just ask John."

"I have to meet him Sherlock! I'm worried about you! It's been almost a month and you haven't introduced him to your best friend?"

"John you really don't understand…"

"No, I think I understand fine! You've made it up!" The note of triumph was clear in John's voice.

Sherlock's teeth clacked shut. He hadn't been expecting that. Unfortunately John took his silence to mean that he'd gotten it right. At this point it would be best to detail John's thinking: by accusing Sherlock of making it up he would have to provide definitive proof that he was not, therefore having to reveal the identity of his partner or give John enough evidence to work it out on his own.

"That's right! I've guessed it! You were so tired of every one questioning you about your orientation and relationship status that you've solved the problem with minimal effort and no other person. That's so classic you!" John was beaming so much by the end, he didn't notice Sherlock's attention abruptly shift.

"Excellent theory Dr. Watson, but I'm afraid it is quite wrong." John froze as the chill slid down his spine, he knew that voice…but from where? Then his eyes turned to Sherlock who sat, relaxed as ever but with an expression John had rarely seen: Dominant aggression.

"I told you to stay put and not make a sound."

Movement from his right then a lanky, willowy man, much like Sherlock himself, came into John's eye line. Sliding gracefully to his knees next to Sherlock's left leg he looked adoringly up at the seated man. The blush rose quickly as John noticed the new comer was wearing nothing but Sherlock's blue dressing gown tied so loosely it fell down, off his shoulder revealing a collage of purple and red bruises spattered across his pale skin.

"Darling, you know I can't sit still if someone is telling a lie right under my nose, especially if that lie entails attempting to extract information from you about myself. I waited as long as I could!"

Sherlock kept his eyes on John waiting to see if he recognized who he was dealing with. By the looks of things he hadn't quite gotten it yet. John was still watching both of them, eyes traveling to one then the other rapidly. For the first time since they sat down, Sherlock moved. His right hand, which had been resting on the arm of the chair, quickly snatched Loki's chin, pulling his attention back up to Sherlock's face.

"It looks as though John is still a bit confused, love. Why don't you give him a good look at your pretty face, then maybe he might recognize you."

With intense emerald eyes and a straight razor smile turned on him, memory punched John full in the chest.

"Ho, sweet Jesus, Sherlock!" John's out of breath whisper rent the silence.

Seeing the panic begin to rise, Sherlock attempted to calm John down "John. Look at me John, this isn't as bad as you're making it out to be."

Loki was positively gleeful, he could taste the chaos on the air. Disappearing from Sherlock's feet he suddenly draped his arms around John's shoulders. "I think you'll find, dear Sherlock, it is worse than that."

Like his chair had suddenly been electrified, John shot up across the room. Huffing with a face red from a poignant mix of anger, fear and embarrassment John was gearing up for a major row.

Sherlock stood as well, directing his attention to Loki first "_Sit. Down. And shut up._" The quiet authority and anger did the trick and Loki dropped to the floor where he was.

Focusing back on John he again tried to avoid disaster "John,"

"DON'T! Don't you dare try and tell me it 'isn't that bad'. This, Sherlock, is so much worse than bad I'm having trouble describing how catastrophic this is! You do realize who he is, don't you?! So not only did you keep it from me but you're…you're…FUCKING AN ALIEN TERRORIST WAR CRIMINAL! What the actual FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?! In what backwards, messed up, parallel universe would this have been even remotely okay?!"

Silence reigned for a moment then Sherlock cleared his throat "It was originally his idea."

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A/N: Please review! :D


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